On relationships

I often wonder about people and their agenda in bed. After all, the more I see people, the more I either want to see them in bed or just see them. The problem lies in the aspect of respect and sexuality. Though it's not a new one, it still keeps me up at night and keeps me away from talking to certain professors.

I genuinely like people. Especially hard working people. Granted they don't always have to be smart, the hard work is always an inspiration to me. I would almost bet on a hard worker than a gifted person any day simply because there will be a consistency in what's accomplished as well as a sense of accomplishment by the person who did work. But that's me.

Being around people and watching them makes me really ponder about what do people want from other people? Is it companionship or is it that biological need we all love so much. Maybe it’ the physical need to be needed. Or even worst the material needs from the physical. It’s kind of odd the more I think about the last one…“Will have sex for dinner”. Such a horrible existence to some, but it sounds like a deal to me. But last time I checked, there was no such thing as a man-whore, just guys with lots of money or long tongues. I need a longer tongue.

Back to what people want thing… I keep getting the feeling that many of us are inherently selfish. It is not until we realize that we want kids that we begin to start giving a damm about other people. The circle of life is suddenly realized and the epiphany of “Holy crap! I am mean/selfish person!” begins to materialize. It’s that rational thought process of “Who is good with kids” starts to sink in. Somehow it is translated to “I need to find a person who bears the qualities of A., B., C., and then buy/woo them into submission.” Oh wait that’s modern capitalism in the 21st century… my bad.

It’s the worry that we need somebody to help us that kind of kills the whole selfish life thing. The fierce hedonistic life that we once led now has to be retired because there are people dependent upon us and vice versa. On the upside is that you are never alone. Even in death, a piece of the person you once allied with is within you. How is this possible? Remember when you always kept putting you feet on the table only to have them knocked off by the significant other? You still keep you feet off the table now don’t you? There is that aspect as well as memories, kids, things shared, and so fourth. An entire legacy is left behind because two people were together. I wonder what happens when families or large groups of people get to together?

What if the person is attempting to use someone else to obtain his or her own selfish goals? I mean selfish in that there is a preconceived notion that the person that they are dependent upon is only a tool that requires maintence. Wouldn’t that be a lot like the “Will have sex for dinner” comment? Only much longer and far more resources have been invested. Even worse, what if trust and emotions are invested yet the person being relied on is still just a tool, then what? Is all that was learned and created just for the amusement of one person? That would mean that all kids and ideas shared were just words in the wind. A whole lot of nothing just to what the selfish person wants. Like buying candy at the store, no thought or consequence, just get the flavor you want, pay the price, enjoy, and move one. It's using up a person till there is noting to use. Kind of makes me not want to engage in the whole bed thing just to avoid dinner all together. I’m not a tool, last I checked.

So now come the question: In being selfish, are we able to have a relationship? In knowing our limitations and goals and looking at another person, dose that thought enter the mind? Should it? I’m kind of partial to meeting people who want me to meet my goals just as much as I am willing to help them reach theirs. Not for the sake of hedonism, but just because it’s good to work hard and have something to work for. When I reach my goals with other people, I can never truly say that what I have is mine because there was so many that helped me get there. The converse is true as well. But the important thing to me is the memories shared of keeping my feet off the table. What happens after you reach your goal? Well other people are reaching theirs, can’t you help them? ... they helped you. There are other things to reach after you goal as well. It’s an upward moving spiral of dependence. I’m still trying to factor the whole hedonism thing in and I can’t. If you don’t help someone, they probably won’t help you. You’ll be lucky if they call you in the morning if you use them.

Now all I need to do is figure out what people really want. Besides sex...and money...and more sex.