Friends, money, and those people we're not so sure about.

I hate my life. Well, not really, but sometimes a simple pleasure in life becomes more of a burden when it's never defined or even qualified. Like friends. Now, I'm mentally racking my brain in an attempt to refine my friendships with people, stanger and compatriate alike. Do you spend money on friends or are they self sufficient? What if you freinds are of the opposite sex? Weridness always ensues when trying to discuss these topics with my freinds, namely because they are so intertwined in sex, religion, cultures, and stereotypes. Now I, the Blind, am stuck at trying to figure out where I stand with a girl (go fig) whom I call a friend...but happen to pay for everything when we go out. I feel like a roll of toilet paper, in the process of being unwound to wipe away crap and then to be flushed. Sounds hardly like friendly behavior. Yet I still lend an ear or time to help mend wounds. My "normal" friends hardly ever do this. In fact they are more focused on making sure that we all are somewhat strong in what we do and abandonment or failure isn't a thought. This girl blinds me with something, hence I hate my life.

Most of my friends are pretty dependable. If I'm screwed, the are there. No questions, no worries, no bones about it: I am never alone because of them. I owe and garner then the same amount of respect and dedication to our friendship. It's syimbiotic. I try and show other people the same respect and responsibility to other's through random acts of kindness to total strangers... well more like well unplanned acts of neccessary kindness to get people to a "safer place" than where they are at that place in time. Note to self: I need to stop that because hardly anybody learns from it. At any rate, I am myself who just happens to be an extension of my friends. As it should be. Do my friends define me? No, they just highlight my extraordinariness. Are my actions dictated by my friends? Yes, if what I'm going to to is going to shame, harm, or kill my friends and any other person in most of society for that matter. Otherwise, it's open season on who can be made fun of the most. I will love and defend my freinds till I am unable to do so. Most of all, if I become a burden to them, I leave the option to them to let me go. What kind of freind am I if I take away thier ability to live to the fullest. But that is the value I place on friendship, hence I'm a pretty expensive ticket.

Money somehow is place under the notion of burden. Without money, life is a burden. If you burden you friends at every opportunity, then are you a freind or a leach? It's a tought question. I wonder the same about relationships and those who are considered leeches. But then again, if the people in the relationship are genuinely happy, then I guess no leeching has occured. Now comes the tricky part: What about relationships that are not defined?

Undefined relationships are like those people you see who spend alot of time together but never do anything. No kissing, no touching, maybe hugging in the platonic sense, but noting else. By all rights they are friends... who hang out alot. Something of which I seem to be doing with a particular girl, and wondering where do I stand? Remind me to stop buying dinner.

Patriot Act and People

I sometimes question peoples motives. Not so much to society, but more to themselves. It's an odd thing in seeing people, especially in Californian popular society, do something that is for the benefit of the all, and not the self. Namely because the one who wins out is the one who proposed the idea in the first place. Like freeing up utilities.... Go Fig. I am getting really tired of helping people on the freeway, because the genuinely need help, only to be looked at like some leper colony escapee with a "magical skill" to fix cars or make the situation better. I help, I get feared, and I get leered at like I wasn't supposed to be nice and in fact supposed to eat thier children in front of them...remember being nice in California means your supposed to eat the children of those your nice to. I wonder if people really think that all people here are supposed to have some alterior motive to being considerate. But the point is, I haven't met many people outside of the military that are genuinely concerned about the world their children will grow up in. They seemed more focused on having kids then being drunk on more money from being inconsiderate (not rasing thier kids to be considerate). Greed and power with fear and prejudice seem to drive most people. I seriously don't want to have kids in this world.. espcially since I'm a leper colony escapee.

At any rate, this brings about the "Brave New World" were about to dawn upon; which I fequently question. It's not the Patriot Act that I wonder about... it's the inherent fear that people live with everyday. People have become so blunderously delerious with sedating themselves with their lifestyles that they would rather trade a few liberties and live under the illusion of "security" provided by those who know they are probably going to die, than to face up to the reality that they are greedy bastards and know that you just don't need that last bit of land/oil/late'/diamond to impress the hot shallow chic and have disgustingly wealthy kids with. This Patriot Act which I throughly support, though I understand it will take civil liberties away from certain peoples and allows for people to be investigated and judged on circumstancial evidence or if they piss off the wrong people, is something that limits the free thought movement. Yet it is only when we have these limitations of our intrinsic abilities that most of the general populous begins to gel with innovation; both in mind and in industry. We only know what we have as a demoacracy when we have it challenged. And when we become slaves to our own vices brought about by laziness and sedation of the mind, we need a swift kick in the head to remind us that we are a peoples buit on a collective individualism that learns to respect each others uniqueness and drives to understand and teach that.

I don't see that in the "modern world" outside of the military hierarcy. I see: "Where's my coke, beemer, and late'!". Or: "Goddamit people, I'm late for work.. none of you loosers make the money I make, therfore you should go back to you minimum wage jobs and leave the freeways open for people like me!" Or: "Why should I care about the past.. it's not like it's important." And the ever so popular: "Like, I don't know why I should care about some dumpy people in some dirty place that don't belive in God." This is the modern world that is being built by those who have suffered so much. They created a land of opportunity that their entitiled children are often too blind and dumb to see. And they will leech off it till they bleed the system dry, until another Patriot Act takes away their rights forcing them to rething their exhistance, or an immigrant who knows how the system works and works hard to make a place for himself in this Great Democracy thus taking opportunity away from the vally girl/guy. If the system ever gets bled dry, we'll have a bigger problem to face than a Patriot Act.

There are shining examples that always rise above the norm that I usually see. Some are my friends. Some are my sworn enimies, both in life and through my alliegiance to the State. Some are just some randoms from a faraway land. Yet these people commonly belive in learning, tolerance, work, and faith in their own way. Subdue any of those qualities, and you have...well.. modern sedated society. These examples I speak of just want to make the world a better place, while enjoying their version of a late' as long as it dosen't kill someone...mostly.

In theory, some could argue that the Patriot Act is bleeding the system dry. Then if it is, think about who you should vote for. But think clearly and think long because in the end, which is more important?: Your freedom to have you late' but not question the president or Your late' and wonder if you're going to see a plane blow up. Remember that the Patriot Act wasn't made up just for you. But What do I know? I'm just a leper escapee with "magic powers".