Friends, money, and those people we're not so sure about.

I hate my life. Well, not really, but sometimes a simple pleasure in life becomes more of a burden when it's never defined or even qualified. Like friends. Now, I'm mentally racking my brain in an attempt to refine my friendships with people, stanger and compatriate alike. Do you spend money on friends or are they self sufficient? What if you freinds are of the opposite sex? Weridness always ensues when trying to discuss these topics with my freinds, namely because they are so intertwined in sex, religion, cultures, and stereotypes. Now I, the Blind, am stuck at trying to figure out where I stand with a girl (go fig) whom I call a friend...but happen to pay for everything when we go out. I feel like a roll of toilet paper, in the process of being unwound to wipe away crap and then to be flushed. Sounds hardly like friendly behavior. Yet I still lend an ear or time to help mend wounds. My "normal" friends hardly ever do this. In fact they are more focused on making sure that we all are somewhat strong in what we do and abandonment or failure isn't a thought. This girl blinds me with something, hence I hate my life.

Most of my friends are pretty dependable. If I'm screwed, the are there. No questions, no worries, no bones about it: I am never alone because of them. I owe and garner then the same amount of respect and dedication to our friendship. It's syimbiotic. I try and show other people the same respect and responsibility to other's through random acts of kindness to total strangers... well more like well unplanned acts of neccessary kindness to get people to a "safer place" than where they are at that place in time. Note to self: I need to stop that because hardly anybody learns from it. At any rate, I am myself who just happens to be an extension of my friends. As it should be. Do my friends define me? No, they just highlight my extraordinariness. Are my actions dictated by my friends? Yes, if what I'm going to to is going to shame, harm, or kill my friends and any other person in most of society for that matter. Otherwise, it's open season on who can be made fun of the most. I will love and defend my freinds till I am unable to do so. Most of all, if I become a burden to them, I leave the option to them to let me go. What kind of freind am I if I take away thier ability to live to the fullest. But that is the value I place on friendship, hence I'm a pretty expensive ticket.

Money somehow is place under the notion of burden. Without money, life is a burden. If you burden you friends at every opportunity, then are you a freind or a leach? It's a tought question. I wonder the same about relationships and those who are considered leeches. But then again, if the people in the relationship are genuinely happy, then I guess no leeching has occured. Now comes the tricky part: What about relationships that are not defined?

Undefined relationships are like those people you see who spend alot of time together but never do anything. No kissing, no touching, maybe hugging in the platonic sense, but noting else. By all rights they are friends... who hang out alot. Something of which I seem to be doing with a particular girl, and wondering where do I stand? Remind me to stop buying dinner.