Empty Headed Mostly

2007-06-10T08:41:00.001-07:00

I think the Greeks coined the western notions of elementals; all matter or people are composed of them. All of them coincided with the signs of the zodiac. There were mitigating factors involved on where one stood with an elemental, but for the most part they still seem like a part of urban lore today; defining who we are and how we react. Not one elemental is better than the other, but who is to say what works or what doesn’t? I think it's funny how we link them with personalities. By being a Capricorn seem to border on the two fronts of water and earth, so I will discuss that which I am familiar with. My bipolarism warps me on some days and sets me on others.

Water is the most fluid of personalities. Ever present in all life, it ebbs and flows with time and people. Cleansing the grime from our souls when we find it or diluting the bile that we ingest from others; water is something that all people seek in each other. It polishes stone from earth and quenches the thirst of fire. With Wind it spreads its miasma or mist to all around it. It babbles and runs, and it's hard to contain. But as always, it soothes. It can reflect the image of souls, often changing the image.

Water meanders and is peaceable, unless there is a torrent behind their motives. Then they are linear and focused without regard to what is destroyed; removing whole tracts of things. They drown out the balance of things in their fits of rage, leaving behind wet wreckage. And sometimes they leave behind the silt of their shame that helps rebuild things. All that is then left by them is the new that was built over their rage.

Water is odd in that none ever seek it out unless they need it. It is in all things living, but always assumed to be there; like a never ending well. Unfortunately, water can dry out and lose it's

Earth is being the most solid. Never flinching to wind and unmoved by fire, earth is the basis for most things strong or solid. Its bearing is set and cannot be manipulated. Truths are produced from it since it cannot be easily broken. Unfortunately it is unmoving and water flows around it, if water doesn’t just take it with itself. Polished, it reflects the image of viewer, but unlike water it cannot distort it. Nurturing is all that it can do to those who stay around it. The jewels of thoughts, ideas, and feelings are stored forever in their mountain mine of being until they are worked free once by those willing to wait out the storm of time; since few chose to mine those ores knowing that the mountain is endless.

Its immovability is its weakness in that all other things slowly erode it: time, change, wind, and water. Shifting a mountain to seemingly useless mud and silt; yet this uselessness is the basis of bricks. A stoic stubbornness etches itself even in the face of good things. It is above all things slow: to change, to learn, to regret. And as those feelings set it, it is as though the mountain trembles.

Hypothesis on Leadership

2007-04-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

This is actually a writing assignment that needs to be hashed out. I kinda liked it, but I need to refine some parts. Like how to lead.

“A ruler must never mobilize his men out of anger; a general must never engage battle out of spite.” These were quoted from Sun-Tzu; which will be the basis from my analysis on leadership. It has been herald that a great leader is something of legends, typically an iconic feature within history that shapes how the story of man is told. Usually these figureheads are the pivots in which great and dubious things are flexed upon. But their origins are varied and their rise to their iconic class is lucid at best. Looking backwards from the 15^th century, name and class dictated leaders. Earlier than that, one could argue that it was strength and cunning that allowed cavemen to lead their families across the artic tundra and establish empires in the Americas. As one progresses forward through time, 18^th century showed an evolution of society where anyone can rise to uphold common accepted values if there exists an infrastructure that allows it and the drive within men to share values of merit. Even now, leaders are sought at all levels of industry, war, and faith. Yet, I would argue that most leaders are not born: they are smithed from the struggles of competing and confirming values, discipline in facing indifference, and courage wrought from what ever drives any man to step forward for the sake of tomorrow (albeit faith or family).

How we define ourselves is represented in our actions. Those actions are in constant odds with reality. How people perceive our actions is also in a constant state of flux. Yet, those actions must be set on a set of internalized ideals on how we operate. If not; then we are at the mercy of the media, the suggestions of strangers, and our instincts. Why we move through the world is as important as how. Often we are in selfish competition with everyone over resources, ideals, even power. Yet it is the acts of other that allow us to progress as humans. When that our motives and actions go beyond personal gain; it carries weight outside of selfish value. As more actions of that nature are added to the equation, it becomes a set of values instead of instinct. The challenge then lies in how we operate and how one exercises those values. As those values become concrete in our minds they become important and are reflected within actions and how we view ourselves. When a set of common values come together or are taught to people, then people of merit are born; if those values are also built on merit.

Exercising those values tests the validity of the values; which is typically done in the face of apathy. That action can test the mettle of one’s soul, since therein lay the possibility of lacking the personal or self sustaining gains that come with operating on instinct and selfishness alone. The apathy is relevant when looking at the world as a whole in comparison to one’s own personal view: no one cares about what you have to say, especially if it’s not helping somebody else. Hence, those with a true faith in what rhetoric they say usually leave behind a legacy or other beacon of their existence beyond a tombstone; only if the values being displayed are built on merit. To reach that level of faith in their words, they woke up everyday believing it amidst the hail and fire of doubts brought fourth by the contemporary thought of world. In practice, they sowed their words through their actions an saw the harvest of many hours; once again, only if their values have merit. That harvest translates into the whispers of the world, acknowledging not only that persons achievement but also their values of merit. The self acknowledgement that everyday is a challenge to exemplify those ideas that we hold true requires a level of discipline in our souls and minds; as to fail those ideals would lead to our own words and actions being nothing but words lost to the world. It becomes the responsibility of the individual who carries values of merit to carry the discipline to live those values. When that happens, we then have pillars of society, though they may not have to lead.

Finally, to be driven to a higher purpose beyond our selves; finding that which drives us leads us into the mantle of command. For some it’s faith, for others it’s family or duty. In all cases it affects where we derive some if not all of our values from. In all cases, it takes a form of responsibility beyond the scope of one self. This force draws others to want to serve under the mantle of one who is driven. Unfortunately, this driving force can be perverted if one succumbs to the power of self gratification through using others or has already entered into command bad intent. Once again, a kind of responsibility befalls an individual both to be vigilant in their actions in keeping a clear view of what the driving force is and to be aware of the toll of their vision on those who serve with him. Exemplifying those common values of merit brings validation to those who are learning and living those values. Yet, the values, faith, and direction are lost when a commander perverts a core value of merit. Also, the toll of the driving force must be weighed by the leader in ways that will test ones resolve. In upholding values, are the costs valid to the vision? A person of merit will understand that they will carry the burdens of that which is not their own and still make decisions with a clear voice and mind. And from being truly driven for something greater than oneself, means never being alone. Ultimately, to move towards the final goal and be driven, we act upon those basic values of merit drawing upon the support of those who share that same vision and are willing to bear the same costs. The one in command is the most driven and desires the vision the most, but for the sake of all those following him.

The missing Posts

2006-08-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

I have been posting, but not here. I made the mistake to post where people to lazy to search for insight could find it; so I killed that site. I'm moving my past rants to here; set in reverse choronilogical order.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Revisiting 30
Funny how one forgets where American society defines itself. It truly is a shallow society; especially in the OC. They tout humility, only because they can afford to say they are humble. People who have truly struggled never claim to be better than anyone and humility is the displayed in their voluminous actions.

I spent most of my life trying to live on my own term in places that I particularly had no business living. Now I look back and smile, because I know. I have a secret smile that comes out when I know the truth of things. Like watching a date where the dates spend more time looking at the clothes and trinkets that there prospective bed mates ware as opposed to listening to the story that is the person. Seeing a person deny they wear contacts because they are ashamed of their glasses. Seeing a losing team cheer because they got to play. These oddities encompassing honesty, sincerity, and profanity all lay below the surface of our actions and words. But they typically have no value simply because the end results is nothing physical is immediately gained. Yet to learn these simple and truths, it takes a lifetime. In learning them, a person becomes devout or virtuous in action and though as opposed to a consumer product of the OC looking for the next big thing and hoping people notice them. Why would anyone want to be consumed by other people?

Now I'm 30 and I have nothing to show for my actions; as a friend of mine has enlightned me. I have been told I have wasted my time. This was my final retort, after I pulled my wits together; after having to question my own existence:

"In the end being reminded that at 30, I am worthless to society hurts, but its true. But this is the same society that places value in physical beauty and not truth or heart. The same peoples who place the belief that death solves the problem of crime. The same organized mob that clamors to praise a profane professional athlete that was convicted of rape, yet forgets who taught him how to read, believe in himself, and evolve into a man.if you can call that a man. Jesus wasnt a millionaire, and George Washington married for money. Both were great men, and their actions and beliefs always stood firm; even when the whole world hated them. But my words are worthless in this because I am a barista at Starbucks or an overnight staffer at 24hr fitness without a hot car, hot chic, power, and money. Because of that I appear to be all talk. But I am evolving, but at the same pace as those great men. Slow, honestly; at least to the best of my knowledge. Because I want to be able to help my friends. Because I want to prove that even the most corrupt people can evolve. Because I want to live knowing that the values that society has are false. Because Im not valueless; Im something that most people will never understand."

I feel sad in that I had to say that. Simply because people still, after 2000 years of evolution, we still fall back on their biological heritage of needing to secure their place for their offspring. A noble and honest cause, but it should not based on the selfish endeavor that the individual is always first. We are not birds who display plumage through possessions, but modern society states otherwise.

My other concern is that the words were said. If a friend knows me and tells me that I am worthless, are they my friend? Have they truly looked past all the failures within me? Maybe I'm not their friend they way the envisioned, as it should be to them. But again, is that truly friend behavior: "If you are my friends, you will live like the way I want you to." If that statement rings true within the speaker, then that speaker truly dosen't know me nor the places I am going or where I have been.

Since the incident, I have come to terms with my friend. This person actually apoligized for the incident and reconciled some simple truths that they discovered on thier own. It was a moving experience for me since I actually saw something that most people never do: evolving past their own wants to see the simple truths in others. That evolution gives me hope. Simply because that action shows that people who are willing to do good can find it within themselves, after critically analyzing their own actions, discover those simple truths like choice, truth, and love are binding force behind living a life that you can laugh at and inspire others with. Usually that life is far more fulfilling and there are no regrets within it. Having the life where one gets everything comes at a cost of ones soul; simply because to get all things, one must take some things..

Unfortunately, nobody ever asks :Why is that man smiling and how do I smile like that?" They ask : "How much money does he have and how do I get it?"
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Thursday, June 29, 2006

My kind of Therapy
Morbid yes. Annoyingly effective if not entertaining, definitely.

I often wonder if being a therapist would have been a way for me to go. But then I realized that helping people isn't my thing anymore. It's helping the worthy. How does one know if they are worthy? Do you know and want to change or evolve? Do you make an active effort to change; as passive and BS as it may be at times. Do you not have a goal, but a direction OR a goal that keeps changing? If yes, blow up the cellie yo; I'm there for you.

I think I have been worn down by half assed people. You know the type: "Please help me because I won't do it myself." I understand "can't". Sometimes we are physically or intellectually not capable to do things; like fix our cars. I understand "I'm Scared". It takes a great deal of courage to face anything, to include tomorrow. I even understand "I'm Tired", but that still doesnÃï¿½t say I'm gonna do it all for you. Yet if you look closely, alot of people fall on those excuses in lieu of "I won't cause you'll do it for me." I'm a knight when you know me, but I am not your bitch.

Now do you know if you are worthy?

Why the comic. That's the defining moment of the worthy: In lieu of something horrible, as bizarre and perverse it may be, the act of pushing forward occurs at that individual's level. Even I falter; but even comedy reminds me to just grin and move forward.
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Monday, June 19, 2006

Consequences Schmonsequenses
Current mood: numb
Enraged Motorcyclist!

My hero for the day.

More often than not this describes most people I encounter on the road. I really don't want a cell phone because I fear turning onto one of those weenies. I see my friends do it all the time. I fear that our era of instant communication and gratification has led us to believe that we are not capable of anything... but entitled to it. I guess we are capable of anything imaginable, but we have to face the consequences that follow; as bizarre as they may be.

Now that I think about it, this describes most people and how they operate: There is no tomorrow, emotions are just toys, and longstanding friendships are easily dissolved if they are inconvenient. Like the cell phone: one answers when one wants, one gets who see who is calling and decide if they are worth the time that day, one can be in constant contact with whom they wish, and one can ignore the people that are having real issues if they know ahead of time. Friends of convenience. But what are the consequences these actions? Who cares right? What happens if you leave milk out too long? Either drink your milk or use it right; lest it go bad. Or you can make cheese. Friends can be cheesy too.
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Friday, June 09, 2006

INFP
Current mood: momentous?
I had this tested years ago under a Briggs and Meyers. I never thought I would have it tested again only to see that nothing's changed.I don't know what to think of it.

On one hand I am irritated that I constitute 1% of the total population. I get the to be the hat that people wear when it rains, hard. And I'm fine with it for the most part. My greatest fear is watching the world rend it's self. Actually no.. that's not my greatest fear. It's watching my friends Rend themselves. I am to old and to tired to not care. Their wounds somehow affect me... and it's totally irrational. I harbor the antiquated values that we all have forgotten. If you know them, then you know me. If you don't know them, then go find Bors or Ajax at the river and you will know what I mean. I just wish I knew more people like that. Not necessarily like me, just living the old ways and breathing what they say. I hate being taken advantage of by my word. Not a petty favor, but outright profane usage of my abilities to further ones career or selfish oppressive opportunities. Then again I could be selfish with my time.

On the other, I am in awe of people. I am enamored by the goodness that I do see. I dream too much about how people could be and get hurt too much by how people are. I have too much faith in those whom are doomed to fail, yet I want them to succeed to prove that they have a voice. They have value. And that they are loved, even by the angry me. This is the price of my sanity, lol. This is to be an INFP.
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Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Good to be Bad or Bad to be Good?
Current mood: archilochian
It's hard to say anymore what is out there. Looking for stuff and finding nothing of value is getting old. I mean I used to believe that all things had some value, intrinsic or otherwise. Now it seems that the world is just so wrapped up in self that the value placed on things deal more with how much of a tool is a person to another person. "Will they enhance my status, position, consumption capacity, quality of life, ego, or even ability to breed?" These are the questions we all ask ourselves. Spirituality is lost on these people in that the notions of spirituality itself become a tool in which they either justify their motives or put at ease their already committed selfish desires. The need to feel good as to justify the evil committed or being committed. Then again... what's evil? Apathy? Ignorance? Untruth?

I guess the issue at hand with me is would I take a person who is built on evil, acts out on evil and believes in evil if they didn't operate on the notions of improving their own personal quality of life? A selfishness that is stemmed from knowing who they are, but not living for themselves, but for the good of others (not the will of others). Lies are their weapon against greed and self consumption, simply because it's more fun to live that way. Hate is the operant condition they live in as to find spirituality that isn't justifying their actions. Finding God through redemption; instead of mouthing the words in a text and then committing a crime. Is all that I see shallow people who only see that is within their scope of desires, not their children or neighbors? And these evil people I think of are actually just the misfits and outcasts that have it figured out?
Remember that when you call up a friend to have them work out at the gym and then promptly leave afterward because they are a boor. Or that smart chic in class that knows all the answers so you study with her, but she' ugly so you have nothing to do with her. Better yet; when a "friend" calls on you for help, but you are too "busy" or stall because it doesnÃï¿½t fit what you want. Check yourself when you see the unwanted and unknown and see how they become redeemed through your actions. Eventually they become the "evil" that know what it's all about. In the end they will own people because those people are the ones who are "righteous" but blind tool users. The "righteous" become the tools to evil because the righteous' own selfish desires won't permit themselves to transcend into decent people. So I would hope. But the masses are a powerful if not dumb group; and a stone in a river is still a stone.
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Sunday, December 04, 2005

On Smoking
Current mood: melancholy
Smokers are a funny lot. Many of the ones I know and claim that if they could start over again, they would quit and never start. Waste of time and money they say. On the flip side, they are smoking and now they can't quit. Or decide not to.

Now as I watch them, I am told that they don't like to smoke, don't want others to smoke and try their best to conceal smoking from most of society... at least here in California. I do not mean conceal as in hiding under the covers and lighting up, but conceal in that they really don't like it when you mention they smoke in front of someone they are intending to impress. It is a social faux pas of the nth degree. I personally don't smoke, so I'm an ass to comment on something I have no business commenting on... so I have been told.

For those they tell not to smoke, like their friends; I find it either an affront or a lie. They like to smoke, at least you could state you like it and encourage others to do in out of honesty. Get people to die faster, Lord knows we need the stupid ones to die now; lest I never make my money in the stock market under health programs. It's a fake truth to say that "Smoking is bad" and them you light up. Even worse is when a non-smoking friend tells their smoking friend, "Hey dude... please not here" and they do because "I can't help it" is the point of contest.

Addicted ... no... just bored, tired, sad, frigidity, sick, and trying to lose weight and trendy.

And nothing sucks worse than being the guy who is trapped in a car full of smokers and they want you to convert. "But it's bad for you..."

Maybe they just want to belong and smoking is a social thing. They are by far the most social people I know. Then again, so are most addicts when they need a fix. They will go to great lengths to make someone happy to have their "happiness" back. And to hold onto that "happiness" lest that favor be brought back to life, they will remain social for that purpose...well not entirely, but you can see how it becomes not self-motivating and more drug driven. Back to the social issue, I can see how being a misfit can make a person belong by being a source of nicotine while partaking of it. Much like being the adult buyer for underage teens.

Me on my moral soapbox really shouldn't be here, but I am and I am an ass. I'm just pissed because I saw a friend go from being someone who actually believed in trying to do good by being the nonsmoker and fail to the point of being the smoker because her merry band of misfits told her outright they didn't want her to be like them. They lied. Now I get to watch them smoke, have asthmatic attacks, and get sick regularly. I am excluded from regular conversation because I’m the “clean one”. I have always accepted the fact that I am an outcast because of my uniqueness, but it saddens me that my uniqueness will see my friends in an iron lung and suffering while I stand alone because everybody else is dead. On the upside, at least they are together.

Granted life is limited, and uncertain; but why hinder the uniqueness and awesomeness of life by permanently altering it with a lung hindering dependence? Then again, what is moderation?
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Thursday, October 06, 2005

.....on 30.....
Current mood: realistic
Category: realistic Life
Funny thing about being old. I never once saw myself as old. Somehow I have inherited that title since I am the oldest among the cadre of people I an involved with. Unerringly, they have discerned my behavior as unique and dipped in antiquated styles of thought, action, and perseverance. I'm old to them because I do weird things. Weird weird things. Like working HARD, but not always for personal achievements. Improving myself daily. Thinking in general. Caring about decent people. Old fashioned ideals like that.

Now, as I sail through life I notice something odd. Being old means that people hold contempt for you. They secretly marginalize you because you are a liability socially or physically. The vast knowledge base that you have accumulated over the years is openly criticized as outdated, though hardly wrong and viciously sought after incognito. Because you walk to a rhythm that is not theirs and live openly for the unfathomable future and seeing what life has to offer, instead of conforming and complaning. Living vicariously is a slow death, because vicarious living is smoking the small time you have in life away.
More often than naught, I find myself competing with those with talent. True talent. The stuff that comes only from the Hand of God. And the talented and young criticize the aged due to old ideas and concrete repetitive positive incremental methods. Yes, working hard is "old" and takes time; but unlike talent the skills will never fade because they were honed and not given. As aged, you hold no equals when your cadre is younger because there none in which to convey the open communication that only exists with people that have lived and worked hard. Talented people typically never have this because they don't need to work hard. Hard work makes a person see the world for what it really is: A mix of experiences, good and bad, that can draw people to each other for the sake of people. Not a succession of who is better via domination because a few are granted tekken.
Now as viewed and an aged of among a cadre of talented people, I have to question their motives. I am not a part of their agenda, nor will I ever be. I am just the instruction manual of life for when they can't get things right. The source of unjudging solace because talented people cannot accept untalented failure nor can they appreciate hard work. The broken statue that gives answers of forgivness and insight when prayed too. But the aged are usless.
Living longer than most is not old or aged. Having the experiences tempered by failures, triumphs, despair, and hope garnered through hard work and perseverance hardly describes old. It describes people that have lived and were never afraid to live; without regret and openly dreaming. Old is when your talent runs out and you blame life for taking it, doing nothing about it.
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It's 4am

2006-07-08T04:21:00.000-07:00

It's 4am and I can't sleep. I stare at the ceiling wondering if this is my last day. Last day for anything. "Live for the moment" I have been told, but I have learned that people only use that just to see who they are going bang. I tried living, and now I'm tired of it. People I know are just full of secrets, and they give them to me. How am I supposed to hold all this stuff? Living for the moment can't work for me because I have to hold all the crap that's not mine. On the other hand...I could live for the monet and not be the person that people confide in. Stare at the ceiling at 4AM wondering if people are OK but knowing that they can sleep easy because their weight is on my shoulders.

It's great. I now have a friend who is boning used to be my best friend. In fact due to the post and recent boning, is why she is not my best friend. Hell, i didn't even get to 3rd base with my best friend AND declared love to her. But she likes strange dick, not the promise of an companionship forged with time and fire. Funny how people change. Funny how girls upgrade to surface things, when they can't see the greatness within people. Easy for me to say? Hell Yes. I am a superhero. You'll know it when I save your ass. Also, I now have a friend who tells my other friends how to think and what to do. I now know that my once and lost best friend has been making promises to never speak to me again prior to the boning. I hate these people. I need to never talk to them again. But they were good people once. Or were they? Was I to blind to see them at the time. Was my own nieavite so great that I allowed them to be my friends. This is the price of being a friend. If so, I want nothing to do with friends ever again.

Sleeping alot

2006-06-15T21:12:00.000-07:00

Funny

I'm typically not one to crash so hard... but when you can't drink, smoke, or even get high... what's the next best thing?

I should get over this, and not be so shallow, but it's not an easy thing: to care.

Even worse is walking away knowing that nothing good will come of it from your perspective.

New post, old Hat

2006-06-14T15:38:00.000-07:00

I forgot how much people don't change. I also forgot the value of what I am. Apparently I am not worth much to my friends in that they will chose ass over me. Not surprisingly, I still qualify as a best friend even though ass is far more important than longstanding personal relationships. Heaven forbid that I stand and defend people whom I'm not getting ass from yet watch my other friends get it. I don't think I need to be in this relationship anymore and I believe that moving away is going to fix it. I know that in time I will never speak to these people again; which saddens me. I actually placed value in them only to find out that they are just as worthless as the whole of society. They rely more on the Id than the Superego and throw the relationships of long time cultivation away just to fit their wants. Is this what I am actually seeing?

I wish only for death to myself for knowing these people since I am the only who was foolish enough to fight for them. This has only cemented my belief that there is no woman on this planet worth fighting for. There are no true friends. And there is no such thing as love in any form.

Funny how things turn...

2005-06-04T14:16:00.000-07:00

Somehow, alienating people is both bad and good. I have managed to piss off those who leach my life away by calling them out. Granted that I am very bored at the moment, but that's probably good too since I don't have to be committed to carrying the heads of crying emotional whores. Note to self: emotional whore carrying is proportional to their initial perceived hottness. I need to work on that. Here's the trick though... am I just as bad as they are since loaned myself out to those who called me for help... and only when they need help?

A friend of mine states that "Butt hurting is normal, and don't bitch when you do a good thing and you get slammed for it." Either help them or don't. Expect no return.. that is just how it is.

But a drama free life is just that: drama free and somewhat slow.

Now I have alot of free time to repay those who have helped me. And to get caught up on all of those things I have been putting off.

To Hell with Them

2005-02-24T10:35:00.000-08:00

Odd thing today. Suddenly I realized that all good things that people do are never respected, nor understood. In fact, I would argue that all good deeds are the acts of the desperate and the thug attitude of permeating hate is more appropriate. To create the image of being feared and hated garners more respect than to be or secretly act fair and caring. Mostly this applies to little girls between the ages of 16 to 30.

It's odd. Within my past two weeks, I have effectively watched over a psychotic break, a cutter, a man realizing a life change has occurred, and another friend who's in the process of a divorce. Somehow, I am responsible for the emotional welfare of these people. The argument has been passed that I shouldn't care and to let them burn... but then that would mean that I'm irresponsible to those have entrusted me with their faith and good word. That's another thing, you are respected more if you are a flake or liar...especially by those same little girls. I guess I have come to work around combat arms for too long in thinking that all those attributes of honor, trust, faith, and selfless service are second nature to those you help and in turn are reciprocal. Then again, I guess that maybe I'm an ugly guy therefore it's expected of me to be that caring individual that is so desperate for attention; so by default will do those acts anyway. Dose that mean that these little girls always expect attention, and go nuts when they don't get it from sects of the population. A small gaggle of hair tossers pass by the angry ugly guy who is blind is assaulted by fake laughs and head-cocked smiles... simply because the self-absorbed little girls are too blind to see that he cannot see?

In the end, it doesn’t matter. I will never win the girl because the harsh reality is that the good-looking girls are effectively fucked in the head. They are looking for the ones that hurt them. Then need that abuse to know their place in the world. They will never stand for themselves nor live by a code of honor that has developed over several thousands of years among men that help foster respect and trust among peers even through sheer hatred. I must sound like a misogynist, but I would like to, once in my life, see a woman live for herself and not out of a reactionary impetus against the man-stablishment. AND then recognize those same codes that are cordially floated throughout the establishment as respect, not using T&A.

This also begs the question are guys (assholes between the ages of 15 and 30) just as at fault by beating down women into their idealized keyholes of comfort? Telling women what to do because their own impetus at life fails miserably? Assholes that control women are no better than those that control people. Unless it's willing control. Maybe I should work at Victoria's Secret in sales to see if I face sexual harassment, if only to see it does happen at the other end.

Back to the issue of hate acts versus human acts. At what point in our history was it that people were expected to act like assholes, and this was respected. It's almost like that one needs to have some modicum of such just to ensure his survival. Hell, just to even be looked at. I think from now on I'll start to refuse being human and just follow the path of the irritating asshole just to cause problems with those who expect attention. All my good deeds will to be to those who don't deserve and will probably never know me, just to further incite problems. The trick is then, getting the girls to look only to get beat down by a comment or apathy.

This is going to make socalizing with randoms into a tournament of wills. Somehow I can't wait.

People not worth knowing

2005-01-24T08:08:00.000-08:00

Odd comments seem to the staple attraction of me these days. Namely because I can't think of anything poignant to say, and quite frankly, a lot of dumb things are said. The thing that absolutely frightens me is not that dumb things are said, but the idioticracy behind what is said. It is as though the thought of mal-intent precedes the very action of what is going to be said. Translation: You were thinking of a bad thing to say or do before you said it; with a way to justify it.

So what's this got to do with people? People talk. Alot. So much so that there is an entire industry of combination self-help / 1-900 porn phone companies just so you can hear every problem to entertaining a vice. People talk to me. Actually they don't. They talk at me. I don't give input anymore because they aren't listening. I have become the emotional trashcan that they have come to know and love. Have a problem: Dump it on me. I Listen. Sorta. Not Really Anymore. I feel like Jerry Springer with laryngitis. See the fools and point, but can't make out the words to describe the carnival.

Now what if dumb things are being said? Not just dumb things, but maligned things shaped to be hurtful. Unintended to be, but they are. Maybe I'm too sensitive to these things. Though not directed at you directly, you know they are aimed at you in a sideways manner. The kind of backhanded comment you laugh at only to stop because you're the only one laughing. It's not truth, just bad press. Or maybe it is truth, but the way it is said makes it hurtful. Better yet, the actions don't match the words but one intends them to. Then is it a lie?

What if the dumb things are a never-ending barrage of really stupid questions? Emotional ones. Nonemotional ones. The kind of questions that have no bearing on what is at hand. The kinds that fritter that ephemeral substance that all of us are always lacking. Not entertaining questions, inquiries, allusions, riddles, or even quests. Just the usual same question that has already been answered but is being second-guessed time and time again because of a lack of faith, clarity, or conviction in the answer that YOU gave to the questioners. The questioners want a different answer than the obvious or the truth... just what they want to hear. It's like begging God to dispose his powers unto you: You know what's going to happen, and it won't change unless you do it yourself.

I love conversation. Intelligent conversation. The stuff where you learn that Jefferson was a bigot and still one of the founding fathers. And then have a discussion on the repercussions. The stuff where you can make fun of what is or will be or what was. Slighted comments are welcome as they are taken with a grain of salt, but be prepared to defend yourself. But more often than not, I see people not able to step outside of their realm of pop-music and videos with their concerns with porn, the Pope, and people. People they want, not people they should know. The very question of morality is lost among them simply because it is too hard to think about and so much easier to fall onto chruch, popularity, or dumb things to say.

Friends, money, and those people we're not so sure about.

2004-11-07T21:57:00.000-08:00

I hate my life. Well, not really, but sometimes a simple pleasure in life becomes more of a burden when it's never defined or even qualified. Like friends. Now, I'm mentally racking my brain in an attempt to refine my friendships with people, stanger and compatriate alike. Do you spend money on friends or are they self sufficient? What if you freinds are of the opposite sex? Weridness always ensues when trying to discuss these topics with my freinds, namely because they are so intertwined in sex, religion, cultures, and stereotypes. Now I, the Blind, am stuck at trying to figure out where I stand with a girl (go fig) whom I call a friend...but happen to pay for everything when we go out. I feel like a roll of toilet paper, in the process of being unwound to wipe away crap and then to be flushed. Sounds hardly like friendly behavior. Yet I still lend an ear or time to help mend wounds. My "normal" friends hardly ever do this. In fact they are more focused on making sure that we all are somewhat strong in what we do and abandonment or failure isn't a thought. This girl blinds me with something, hence I hate my life.

Most of my friends are pretty dependable. If I'm screwed, the are there. No questions, no worries, no bones about it: I am never alone because of them. I owe and garner then the same amount of respect and dedication to our friendship. It's syimbiotic. I try and show other people the same respect and responsibility to other's through random acts of kindness to total strangers... well more like well unplanned acts of neccessary kindness to get people to a "safer place" than where they are at that place in time. Note to self: I need to stop that because hardly anybody learns from it. At any rate, I am myself who just happens to be an extension of my friends. As it should be. Do my friends define me? No, they just highlight my extraordinariness. Are my actions dictated by my friends? Yes, if what I'm going to to is going to shame, harm, or kill my friends and any other person in most of society for that matter. Otherwise, it's open season on who can be made fun of the most. I will love and defend my freinds till I am unable to do so. Most of all, if I become a burden to them, I leave the option to them to let me go. What kind of freind am I if I take away thier ability to live to the fullest. But that is the value I place on friendship, hence I'm a pretty expensive ticket.

Money somehow is place under the notion of burden. Without money, life is a burden. If you burden you friends at every opportunity, then are you a freind or a leach? It's a tought question. I wonder the same about relationships and those who are considered leeches. But then again, if the people in the relationship are genuinely happy, then I guess no leeching has occured. Now comes the tricky part: What about relationships that are not defined?

Undefined relationships are like those people you see who spend alot of time together but never do anything. No kissing, no touching, maybe hugging in the platonic sense, but noting else. By all rights they are friends... who hang out alot. Something of which I seem to be doing with a particular girl, and wondering where do I stand? Remind me to stop buying dinner.

Patriot Act and People

2004-11-01T23:40:00.000-08:00

I sometimes question peoples motives. Not so much to society, but more to themselves. It's an odd thing in seeing people, especially in Californian popular society, do something that is for the benefit of the all, and not the self. Namely because the one who wins out is the one who proposed the idea in the first place. Like freeing up utilities.... Go Fig. I am getting really tired of helping people on the freeway, because the genuinely need help, only to be looked at like some leper colony escapee with a "magical skill" to fix cars or make the situation better. I help, I get feared, and I get leered at like I wasn't supposed to be nice and in fact supposed to eat thier children in front of them...remember being nice in California means your supposed to eat the children of those your nice to. I wonder if people really think that all people here are supposed to have some alterior motive to being considerate. But the point is, I haven't met many people outside of the military that are genuinely concerned about the world their children will grow up in. They seemed more focused on having kids then being drunk on more money from being inconsiderate (not rasing thier kids to be considerate). Greed and power with fear and prejudice seem to drive most people. I seriously don't want to have kids in this world.. espcially since I'm a leper colony escapee.

At any rate, this brings about the "Brave New World" were about to dawn upon; which I fequently question. It's not the Patriot Act that I wonder about... it's the inherent fear that people live with everyday. People have become so blunderously delerious with sedating themselves with their lifestyles that they would rather trade a few liberties and live under the illusion of "security" provided by those who know they are probably going to die, than to face up to the reality that they are greedy bastards and know that you just don't need that last bit of land/oil/late'/diamond to impress the hot shallow chic and have disgustingly wealthy kids with. This Patriot Act which I throughly support, though I understand it will take civil liberties away from certain peoples and allows for people to be investigated and judged on circumstancial evidence or if they piss off the wrong people, is something that limits the free thought movement. Yet it is only when we have these limitations of our intrinsic abilities that most of the general populous begins to gel with innovation; both in mind and in industry. We only know what we have as a demoacracy when we have it challenged. And when we become slaves to our own vices brought about by laziness and sedation of the mind, we need a swift kick in the head to remind us that we are a peoples buit on a collective individualism that learns to respect each others uniqueness and drives to understand and teach that.

I don't see that in the "modern world" outside of the military hierarcy. I see: "Where's my coke, beemer, and late'!". Or: "Goddamit people, I'm late for work.. none of you loosers make the money I make, therfore you should go back to you minimum wage jobs and leave the freeways open for people like me!" Or: "Why should I care about the past.. it's not like it's important." And the ever so popular: "Like, I don't know why I should care about some dumpy people in some dirty place that don't belive in God." This is the modern world that is being built by those who have suffered so much. They created a land of opportunity that their entitiled children are often too blind and dumb to see. And they will leech off it till they bleed the system dry, until another Patriot Act takes away their rights forcing them to rething their exhistance, or an immigrant who knows how the system works and works hard to make a place for himself in this Great Democracy thus taking opportunity away from the vally girl/guy. If the system ever gets bled dry, we'll have a bigger problem to face than a Patriot Act.

There are shining examples that always rise above the norm that I usually see. Some are my friends. Some are my sworn enimies, both in life and through my alliegiance to the State. Some are just some randoms from a faraway land. Yet these people commonly belive in learning, tolerance, work, and faith in their own way. Subdue any of those qualities, and you have...well.. modern sedated society. These examples I speak of just want to make the world a better place, while enjoying their version of a late' as long as it dosen't kill someone...mostly.

In theory, some could argue that the Patriot Act is bleeding the system dry. Then if it is, think about who you should vote for. But think clearly and think long because in the end, which is more important?: Your freedom to have you late' but not question the president or Your late' and wonder if you're going to see a plane blow up. Remember that the Patriot Act wasn't made up just for you. But What do I know? I'm just a leper escapee with "magic powers".

Strength

2004-06-26T00:17:00.000-07:00

Where dose one draw strength? Is it a moral standing that one relies on or is it a set of evolving principles that one can justify through reason and not force? If one steps outside the boundaries of religion, but not faith, can you still uphold yourself as a person, either individual, part of a collective, or even one of the masses.

Consider this: If you have family, good family, you can always fall back on them when the worst has occurred. You can draw strength in that you can fail and still have people who will care for you. Now what if you have no family..do you rely on God? What if you lost faith?

People are interesting and fickle things in that if you cannot provide a reciprocal balance, your friends will leave you unless you have a bond that is tempered by time or faith within each other... in turn you draw strength from that. But what if the friendship is contingent... like on not being attracted to each other or always having money... then is it friendship ...can you truly draw strength from that?

On self-reliance, can you draw strength from yourself being able to provide for yourself? Is it an empty strength, or dose it rely on others acknowledging that you can and have relied on no one? Is it truly self-reliance if other people acknowledge it? What if there are some things that must be done in pairs or teams? You are forced to work with another person or group of people. How do you become stronger from that? Can you if they do not help you but in fact belittle you?

The strength I speak of the driving force that makes us become something more than just some pawn. It allows us to strive for greatness and inspires others to do the same...but where dose it come from? Ourselves as individuals or do we nurture it out of other people only to have it them come from ourselves?

On Fate

2004-06-24T00:30:00.000-07:00

Fate is interesting. There are some things I have irrevocably gravitated towards. Without questions, I have done things I can neither explain nor had the ability to control or even foresee happening. Yet in those situations, all that I have had to use what I learned and manipulated within myself and with my own mind prior to the "fated" event. I would argue that there are some things that people are meant to do, that go either beyond their good reasons and hedonistic tendencies (like looking after the family member that we all hate, out of need; or falling in love, even when we know it will kill us). But in the end, it is us who handles fate. Essentially, it is what one does with all of the abilities one has garnered throughout life at the one point in time where they are forced to make a choice.

Were the pre-ordained abilities given to seemingly random people? Maybe. I have seen people from the well-to-do with bright futures piss it away because of love, drugs, kids, and hedonism. I have seen the antithesis to that as well, where the homeless kid becomes the epoch of understanding and a role model to us all. In the success of things, I have noticed two common themes: conflict and determination. Conflict in the sense of there is always a challenge looming on the horizon, possible or impossible, yet it is there to be engaged. Determination in that some kind of effort (weather it be blind rage, calm calculation, or old fashioned hard work) is always being exerted towards the conflict for some kind of resolve. In that sense, fate only becomes a tool in which life is marked as a series of progressions. No one can stop death after it occurs; yet we move on. Words are not taken back after being spoken, and yet the words are still heard.

Being in society or as a part of the existence as well, I feel insignificant as well. Trying to be the squirrel getting his nuts in the chaos of a park at the corner of a busy intersection of NY, and all the nuts are in the intersection. It seems like the whole intersection is beyond my control. Well it is. But I can work on being a better, faster, smarter squirrel. The wheels of the Great Intersection are not silenced by the smattering of one single squirrel, though his voice can affect many. If they were silenced by one squirrel, then the squirrel would probably be God, godlike, or can reach the button to change the lights. Which begs the question, is fate created? And if it was would the Creator (of fate) want decisions (even if it conflicted with the “master plan”) to be made at the crossroads of fate or to just lazily accept the situation of things (lazily moving through life and not being aware of the choices you do have).

What if you were fated to already make that choice? Someone who believes that one was going to make the decision before one has even thought of the question because it was preordained. Depends on what you as an individual believe or put faith in. In some sense, pre-ordained salvation adopted by some sects of some churches is contrary to the notions that were taught in church (Judeo-Christian churches mind you) when compared to the Eden story. The notion that an Eden exists with the non-option to eat the Apple of Wisdom only to be tricked by a snake brings about some very serious questions: 1.) In being the All Knowing and the All Powerful and telling A and E to not eat the apple, implies that He already knew it was going to happen (much like mom and the “Don’t touch that” reprimand). 2.) Being The Creator, and not wanting wisdom to be passed on, why have the tree? With that said, there lies two possibilities, 1.) There is something greater than the Creator…like fate or Chaos and so fourth. 2.) It happened and you have to infer the hidden message.

Also, please note, beliving in fate means that one has already decided that there is something that greater than themselves to the extent that the decisons and events that occur in life are not ordained by themselves as individuals. In essence, beliving in fate makes you not an athiest. The antithesis would be an aithest, but to be that implies that everyday, unhindered by faith, suffer the consequenses that are made by the individual. Granted, you can still have faith and belive in the last one, but not vice versa.

I could be wrong, which has happened before, but maybe it’s something like this: There are some things beyond the control of what one can do. But, one can control their own decisions and master their own movements to some extent, albeit it is hard (conflict) and requires work (determination).

I think I broke my brain

2004-06-13T22:00:00.000-07:00

There are times where we are asked to challege ourselves to meet or exceed a satandard of thought that is beyond the norm. Then there are times where the seeming impossible is asked of us. Then there are time where the impossible is demanded of us. And then there is God. He just asks you to do what you usually don't want to do though it's not impossible but hard and usually requires humility....lots of humility.

Right now I have the seemingly hard though not impossible asked of me and it requires copious amouts of studying along with a good dose of elbowgrease. I like elbowgrease. I hate studying. Somehow, I think that we have enough elbowgrease for those of us that study too much and vice versa.

On relationships

2004-06-11T03:05:00.000-07:00

I often wonder about people and their agenda in bed. After all, the more I see people, the more I either want to see them in bed or just see them. The problem lies in the aspect of respect and sexuality. Though it's not a new one, it still keeps me up at night and keeps me away from talking to certain professors.

I genuinely like people. Especially hard working people. Granted they don't always have to be smart, the hard work is always an inspiration to me. I would almost bet on a hard worker than a gifted person any day simply because there will be a consistency in what's accomplished as well as a sense of accomplishment by the person who did work. But that's me.

Being around people and watching them makes me really ponder about what do people want from other people? Is it companionship or is it that biological need we all love so much. Maybe it’ the physical need to be needed. Or even worst the material needs from the physical. It’s kind of odd the more I think about the last one…“Will have sex for dinner”. Such a horrible existence to some, but it sounds like a deal to me. But last time I checked, there was no such thing as a man-whore, just guys with lots of money or long tongues. I need a longer tongue.

Back to what people want thing… I keep getting the feeling that many of us are inherently selfish. It is not until we realize that we want kids that we begin to start giving a damm about other people. The circle of life is suddenly realized and the epiphany of “Holy crap! I am mean/selfish person!” begins to materialize. It’s that rational thought process of “Who is good with kids” starts to sink in. Somehow it is translated to “I need to find a person who bears the qualities of A., B., C., and then buy/woo them into submission.” Oh wait that’s modern capitalism in the 21st century… my bad.

It’s the worry that we need somebody to help us that kind of kills the whole selfish life thing. The fierce hedonistic life that we once led now has to be retired because there are people dependent upon us and vice versa. On the upside is that you are never alone. Even in death, a piece of the person you once allied with is within you. How is this possible? Remember when you always kept putting you feet on the table only to have them knocked off by the significant other? You still keep you feet off the table now don’t you? There is that aspect as well as memories, kids, things shared, and so fourth. An entire legacy is left behind because two people were together. I wonder what happens when families or large groups of people get to together?

What if the person is attempting to use someone else to obtain his or her own selfish goals? I mean selfish in that there is a preconceived notion that the person that they are dependent upon is only a tool that requires maintence. Wouldn’t that be a lot like the “Will have sex for dinner” comment? Only much longer and far more resources have been invested. Even worse, what if trust and emotions are invested yet the person being relied on is still just a tool, then what? Is all that was learned and created just for the amusement of one person? That would mean that all kids and ideas shared were just words in the wind. A whole lot of nothing just to what the selfish person wants. Like buying candy at the store, no thought or consequence, just get the flavor you want, pay the price, enjoy, and move one. It's using up a person till there is noting to use. Kind of makes me not want to engage in the whole bed thing just to avoid dinner all together. I’m not a tool, last I checked.

So now come the question: In being selfish, are we able to have a relationship? In knowing our limitations and goals and looking at another person, dose that thought enter the mind? Should it? I’m kind of partial to meeting people who want me to meet my goals just as much as I am willing to help them reach theirs. Not for the sake of hedonism, but just because it’s good to work hard and have something to work for. When I reach my goals with other people, I can never truly say that what I have is mine because there was so many that helped me get there. The converse is true as well. But the important thing to me is the memories shared of keeping my feet off the table. What happens after you reach your goal? Well other people are reaching theirs, can’t you help them? ... they helped you. There are other things to reach after you goal as well. It’s an upward moving spiral of dependence. I’m still trying to factor the whole hedonism thing in and I can’t. If you don’t help someone, they probably won’t help you. You’ll be lucky if they call you in the morning if you use them.

Now all I need to do is figure out what people really want. Besides sex...and money...and more sex.

Never claimed to be smart

2004-06-09T02:40:00.000-07:00

I still try and define smart and dumb people. Though fruitless, it gives me something to do other than blow up things or use bad humor. Incidentally, those two things together seem to solve many things. In defining the smart or dumb, is it the events after the decision or the events before the decison that define dumb or smart? Can you have a dumb decision and have a smart outcome? Yes to all the aforemention questions seem like the most likely answer. Actually I think it is. So what's the point of defining dumb or smart people? I'm going back to my explosives.

Side Commentary slash Manifesto

2004-06-07T11:28:00.000-07:00

I should probably qualify my thought processes.

1. I'm not sure if force is the way to solve everything. My experiences have taught me it isn't. But neither is unyielding kindness nor pure science, religion, or logic. But I do know that struggle is a common theme among all of these. It is the hard work that produces the solution through the various or combinations of means presented.

2. I'm a realistic optimist. I try to carry hope in all things and usually pray that some good will come from the worst. But I am not so foolish to blindly believe that the past can be corrected; or things that are beyond my scope of control are directly influenced by me (but influenced nonetheless). I'm just a neuron in the Mind of God, that fires when asked and intrepretes incoming signals to the best of my ability. A shapechanging cog in the ever changing Great Machine. Not the detached Hand of God that wanders and dose it's own thing or a spinning wheel attached to nothing.

3. On Equality: One could argue that there is no equality. I could probably argue likewise, especially after the lives I have lived. But so long as I live and breathe in the United States, I will fight the the very bitter end to uphold that ideal of equality in the United States. If one race, creed, religion, or gender belives it to be better than the other, then leave. I did not rise up the ranks from poverty to decency to be judged and stifled by the ranks of those who would impede faith, hard work, selfless service, determination, wisdom, and honor.

4. On conquering: Theivery is taking without compensation of any kind. Conquering is almost as bad, but there is compensation (little as it may be). It never settles well if I take over something. Yet, if what I have taken struggles, then I am glad since it shows that there is life in that I have taken. There is an opportunity for growth. If it fought viciously before taking, I hope it continues to fight still; even if in a non-violent way. Respect is garnered from that. And in the end, I hope that it will wrest it's own control of itself, proving it's worth. Not to me, but to the itself. Who am I to judge or take? I'm a capalaist/reformer/militant/fundamentalist with hopes in seeing the world actually reach world peace even if it takes hate to do it. (The last part was sarcasm by the way)

5. On faith: Is there one faith? I don't know. I stopped going to church after I kept getting hit up at the collection plate and then being discriminated against later because I was "that Oriental guy" at the "White Church". But I do know that there is God. How? Try and disprove it. That and after having several near-death experiences, sensing the world (meditation on the subject), not having prayers answered, and looking at particle physics, I have just kinda accepted Him as faith. No deeper meaning, no agnostisism, no blind fundamentalism. Just there. Kinda like static electricity. Every now and then, I kinda feel something build up and occasionally it shoots out, beyond my own volition. Sometimes good, sometimes bad, but always amazing and beyond my control. Fall in love once or three times and you'll get a glipmse of what I'm talking about. And not fall-into-bed-with-a-random-stranger-because-they're-cute love. I mean the stuff where you lose inhibitions because the communication between you and the partner is empathic and suddenly you realize that every moment of every second of every day is being logged because you don't want to forget about it. That kind of love, which makes me wonder about that kind of faith.

E-mail of the Western Infidels

2004-06-07T10:59:00.000-07:00

This was sent by a friend of mine to me:

Hi everyone,

I saw this news article today in yahoo news and I just
had to pass it along and say a few words. Before,
during and after the Iraq war, many media venues gave
large quantities of airtime to protesters. As we all
remember, these protesters claimed that the war was
fought so that Americans could control the Iraq oil
reserves and so that the evil right wing politicians
could bribe the American people into electing them
again. Further more, many American liberals claimed
that American service men and women were being
brainwashed to fight and die for the greed of evil
corporate America.

I remember very clearly a group a protesters in
downtown Berkeley chanting No blood for Oil,
screaming and pumping they picket signs up and down.
I walked to the local McDonalds (about a block away
from the protest) and I witnessed a protester speaking
to a mentally handicapped man. The woman was
convincing the man to repeat the slogans and then
invited him to join their protest. It did not take
long for the two to join the ranks of the protesters.

Now, I know that this is an isolated incident and that
99.9% of anti-war protesters do not engage in these
practices. But the memory stayed with me.

This news article cites evidence that analysis knew
before, during and after the war that America would
NOT benefit from cheap oil by invading Iraq. The
protesters could have asked the experts if their
arguments were in line with reality. Why didnt they?

In addition, there is the very real chance that
President Bush will lose his job over the Iraq war.

So here are my main points:
1. This blood for oil business was a lie. Any human
who uses logic and reason could have told you this.
Anyone who believes this has been misled.

2. See if this news story is reported with the same
intensity as the story on the blood for oil
protesters. This is a qualitative test for how bias
the media is (it would need a LOT more controls to be
quantitative but I dont have the time to figure those
out.)

3. Anyone who believes that President Bush wanted the
war in Iraq for political gain is misleading himself.
All evidence indicates that his stance on Iraq has
hurt him politically.

Yes, I guess Im getting a bit fed up with people
around here that can be so very logical and methodical
when it comes to science, but they check their reason
at the door when it comes to politics. Logic and
reason are to be applied to all aspects of life. This
is the conservative way.

If anyone has an opinion on this, especially one that
differs from mine, I welcome hearing it.

From the Ivory Tower, SMC

Here's my response:

Hey SMC

I read the social commentary on the protesters and I, for the most part agree with you. Though the notion of "blood for oil" seems bogus, their ideas are not totally unfounded. Consider this, how much in contracts are the US politico's making in authorizing them and what would happen if there is a fuel crunch in the next 5 years and the US effectively owns the Iraq? Would the US stand to gain a large amount of clout both in world energy policy and fiscal backing? Maybe I'm too much of an opportunist or a "capitalist pirate", but as far as I see it, if the US owns Iraq as an ally or just as and out right tyranny, it only secures the future of the US. Though I'm not too fond of the tyranny thought.

As I see it, the American public keeps forgetting that is was through brute force that we gained many of the things we have today as to maintain the ideals of equality on the land we effectively discovered, borrowed, or just wrested away. Look at California. In the end, we still made it better than anything the Spaniards could ever fantasized it to be. Yet, ask most of the protesters there if they would like to sign a petition to re-join California to Mexico, you would probably have a fomenting band of patriots trying to speech you to death. It was also this underlying idea of separatist strength that allowed the creation of a nation such that people banded together under an ideal of equality; if in only religion and race. If Iraq is serious about not wanting the US there, then it will lay down its petty grievances within its clans and either fight the US with a non-racist united mentality or rebuild in an accepting one (then ask us to leave). The protesting US public has also forgotten that this is how we were created, as well as other FIRST WORL NATIONS; and how we have those freedoms that allow for them to protest with their SUV's, Starbucks, education reforms, and social problems. Stupid power hungry Muslim clerics.

If we get kicked out, fine. It's like if I was a cop on patrol: I can respect somebody that doesn't want me in their house, even if I just stopped a domestic violence dispute... It is their house. But I don't want my partner (the protesters) to just bail out on me because he's a weenie of forgot that we have a job to do and there was a dispute that we were asked to investigate. The waiting around part as a cop is to make sure nothing stupid occurs since it usually dose after the cop leaves, unless somebody is arrested. Seeing that Iraq has been "raped" it's hard to say if the "cop" should leave because when one rapist is arrested, another lies in wait (other religious clerics vying for power). I'd just feel more comfortable as a cop to be able to leave knowing that Iraq is able to fend off other rapists with a loaded .45cal than with an empty can of mace.

Wow, teaching the retarded to protest, now that is just outright satanic. She should be brought to trial on that since well, she's no different than the situation she's protesting. (Manipulating the unknowing/uncomprehending into something that is potentially dangerous.) I highly doubt she's going to wipe the drool from that man's chin after he gets riot-gassed.

Wow, I think I really am beginning to think like a conqueror. Maybe this "Rule the World" gig might work out for me. Now that's something to protest. But at least I won't be accused of manipulating the homeless or retarded.

From Pax Americana

DB

If I knew what to say, I'd be speaker.

2004-06-03T23:59:00.000-07:00

Interesting thing, life. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a sage, but I'm not really that good at it so I may as well just lie. I call it interesting in that I find myself caught in the crossroads of trying to drown myself in stories that aren't mine, yet they are entertaining; and trying to make my own stories, some of which are not really that entertaining. Voraciously devouring the lives of other people, fictious or otherwise. Yet my own life isn't near as exciting.... So I believe. I'm not a starship pilot, but I can shoot a gun. I haven't seen the bottom of the ocean, but I have seen the cherry blossoms in May. I'm glad I haven't killed a man...Yet, though I have seen people die. It's an odd conundrum, life. More often than not I find myself more entertained at the other exploits of a child than the triumph of me.

Is the grass really greener or do I need to mow my yard. Are the Jones really competing with me or am I just caught up in their stories and want to have them for my own. Is it "What would your hero do?" or "What needs to be done?" In the end I guess it's you that you have to live with, so why copy somebody else's success? At least you can call it your own and not some game-plan that was laid before you. I guess the trick then is to own up to your own faults when you screw up though. But hey, what do I know, I'm just a sage working for the bureaucracy.